speak your mind

lately i've been trying to evaluate how i come across in various meetings. i naturally am passionate about whatever i encounter. when it comes to work, even more so. i'm not sure if it's because i work for my dad and i love and support what he does, or if it's just some natural inclination i was born with (probably a mix of the two), but regardless my words are strong and sometimes heated (sorry).

there are two staff meetings now which are going down in history for me of "speaking my mind." i'm sure there are several auxiliary meetings with my peers that probably stick out in some of your minds as well. my prideful self thinks that's pretty cool, i'll be remembered for saying it like it is. my humble self says, i could work on some things and grow.

the most recent meeting boiled down (in my head) to "saving money." i want to be a good steward of what we are given. an idea was presented to print stationary envelopes for each department so when mail is returned our volunteer mailroom staff wouldn't have to open up the envelopes to see what's inside, but rather- just pass on the "marked" envelope the the correct department. really, the idea is harmless. but in my mind (knowing numbers and cost of stationary) my heart started beating fast, i got a little sweaty (ha) and spoke up.

i pretty much interrupted one of my favorite people i get the privilege of working with (who was last minute designated the man to present the idea) and started my exhaustive reasonings for why the idea was "ridiculous." the only ok part of this whole thing is that we work together well, and he understood where i was coming from. the worst part was, the entire staff had to witness me strongly discuss, with frustration, my "opinions." it's one of those things you kind of had to be there for, but are glad you weren't. nobody seriously was (i'm hoping) offended. but i walked out thinking, "i probably could have gone about that a little more smoothly."

the good news is, we resolved the stationary issue with a simple added salutation onto labels, and i think all parties are somewhat satisfied.

my frustration really just lies with the "overthinking" of ideas to solve problems. i hate spending money when it's not really needed. and i even stronglier (i know that's not a word) hate the idea that we are sending out so many mass mailers that we are getting such a large volume of returned mail (causing the need to order personalized departmental envelopes - again, just a waste of money and a bad reflection of our poor database [which is getting resolved come august 4, hopefully]) . . . my heart is starting to beat quickly again . . .

the bottom line is (even though I was probably right and justified for my way of thinking), i didn't really come across as being "under control." more or less, as the verse states below, it wasn't very "mature" of me. yeah, I can get away with it, it might even be a little humorous at the time, but it wasn't really the best representation of Christ in me. go ahead and give me the example of Jesus flinging over the tables in the marketplace (ok- I'm being a little melodramatic) but the truth is, i want to GROW. i want to grow in LOVE. i would rather speak in "love" than just be speaking my "mind.

my reflections for the day. have a great holiday weekend!

Ephesians 4:15 (MSG)
God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.