Sunday, January 9, 2011

Marriage After Judah {part 1}

I would be lying if I said marriage is easier after having a kid. As a new mom, I was trying to balance meeting the needs of my baby and the needs of my husband. I think at the beginning, I was a little overwhelmed with all the selfishness that having a kid brought out in me. Without having any alone time, you can feel like you are giving out all the time...and everyone in your home is just taking from you. However, I do think that time, advise from friends and family, and of course God has helped me figure it out a little along the way (again, not saying I know everything, but just what has worked for me and I hope can work for you if you are in the middle or learning how to balance it all- this is just from the perspective of having one kid too, not multiples [yet].

We were told from the beginning to have date days. It's easier said than done. We are so lucky to be able to have both of our extended families in town which has helped with the babysitting aspect, and the fact that both of our parents value and understand the need for Joe and I to have dates. I have heard it said time and time again from my mother, the best gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage! So, for about the first year of Judah's life, we attempted to go out on date nights a couple times a month. Some months were more successful than others, but we made it work! Joe planned 2 getaways for us in Judah's first year of life as well (meaning over-nighters). We went to San Francisco for our anniversary trip and then he surprised me with another trip to go see the musical "Wicked." Both were highlights in our 2nd year of marriage and fun memories made. We easily could have stayed home and not worried about bugging our parents to watch the little man, but looking back, those times together helped keep "us" a priority.

Now that Judah is 15 months old (for those who hate month calculations, that's 1 year and 3 months old)...we have decided to try something new in 2011 with the help of our great friends and neighbors. They pitched this idea to us of wanting to celebrate each month with a date night on the day of their anniversary. They were married on the 27 of a month (can't remember which one) and Joe and I were married on the 1 of March. So, to ensure keeping the romance alive (and not having to bug our families for free care) we have agreed to watch each others kids. Meaning, on the 27 of each month, we will be watching our neighbors adorable 3 year old, Preston and 6 month old Sienna, while on the 1 of each month, they will watch our wild child. The best part- it's FREE care, a 30 second walk from our front door, and great UNDIVIDED attention for our spouses. So, we are booked on the 27 and 1 of each month for the next year! No matter what the date is, we are going to make it work!

We made it a point this week to have a double-date with great friends too. Aubrey & Jeremy Stewart introduced us to a great burger restaurant in downtown sac called "Burgers & Brew." For some reason, I'm addicted to cheeseburgers so this place hit the spot. It's owned by the same company that owns "Crepeville" - Another favorite if you live in the Sacramento area. Good friends, fun discussions, no kids, sometimes it just doesn't get better than that. It's funny how double-dates brings out the romance too- for some reason we end up holding hands more, the car door gets opened every time, lots of laughter, cute glances at eachother...All around, making it a point to work at your marriage is so vital. Do you have a favorite date spot? Please share! Also, I'll have to do another blog on fun date nights that don't cost anything...sounds like fun, huh!

Again, we don't have it all figured out. We would probably be embarrassed by some of our interactions with each other if there was a hidden camera in our home. Joe and I are opposites, and even more than being opposites, we have different love languages. Learning to communicate love the way the other person accepts it is a whole different story (maybe part 2 of Marriage After Judah). Focusing on the positives about each other really does help. Another tip my mom has shared with me for all the women out there: Never talk bad about your husband in public. I might share some funny stories of what we have learned from "bad" moments in our lives, but regardless of the mess we each bring with us- I LOVE my husband and I know that God has given him to me as a gift to honor, support and walk out life together. Love you babe and excited for our date nights to come this year!

Today's Surprise: Well, my husband has been out of town this weekend for a snowboarding trip to miss all the shower action. Judah decided to take a perfect nap so I could blog. The house is all clean and put back together from the shower. And, I get to see my handsome man in a couple of hours! I'm hoping his guest blog on Wednesday will be surrounding why he decided to go out of town this weekend. I think it's cute, funny, and probably necessary to keep both of us from killing each other...=)

Things to come this week:

1. Shabby Chic Part 2 {with photos}
2. Marriage After Judah Part 2 {love languages}
3. It'll be a toss between a cheerleading highlight, kickboxing class, or work...
Stay Tuned!


Aubrey said...

I think I'm your blog stalker with all my comments! Anyways, another great one Laine. I look forward to that "no cost" date night blog. We too are so blessed to have parents who love our kids more than I could have ever expected. Our weekly date nights are our connect point with no kid distractions. And double dates with you guys will have to happen lots more! Loved it.

Linaya said...

Great job, Laine! Kudos to keeping a balanced marriage. It's hard work and requires being intentional in spending time together but it's worth it!